Setting Boundaries
"I am showing love for myself by speaking up for my needs and the boundaries that are necessary to support them." -Cleo Wade
“We set boundaries and sometimes we hit the mark and other times we miss and then we need to re-evaluate and set new boundaries.” Wise words from my husband last night during a conversation about how to set the appropriate screen time boundaries with our kids- both the time limit and what they are consuming. My daughter was telling us how she was having trouble sleeping after something she had seen on the internet had scared her. We both know that she is the queen of bedtime stall tactics, however, it made us stop for a second and think about how we could re-evaluate what boundaries we had set to make sure she doesn’t have access to things like this.
I went to bed thinking about the different boundaries we have set for our kids not only in regards to screen time but behavior and food as well. I woke up this morning to an email in my inbox from Cleo Wade, one of my favorite authors. Wouldn’t you know it was all about boundaries! OK universe, I get the point, my class this week should be themed about boundaries, ha!
So I encourage you this week to think about the boundaries you have in your life that may be missing the mark currently and could use a bit of tweaking. Without judgement, without guilt, and without shame- just taking some time to recognize where you may need a change and a new boundary.
On our mat, do we know our own limitations? Do we listen to our body and notice when we might benefit from grabbing a block, or taking a child’s pose instead of doing one more chaturanga? It wasn’t until I did a yoga teacher training, years after I started practicing yoga, that I really understood that we are in control of what we do on our mat. Our teachers offer us suggestions about poses, however, if something does not work for our body, we need to set the boundary with ourselves and adjust with props or find a pose that makes us comfortable. I often used to take yoga classes where I would be attempting a pose that didn’t feel right, but didn’t think to take a different pose or back off.
This goes along with one of my favorite themes that I gravitate to time and time again, learning the art and power of saying “no”. For so many of us, especially if we are people pleasers, saying “no” can feel nerve-wracking. Will I offend the other person who invited me out? Will my family member be upset that I can’t help them today? Will the school have enough volunteers for the event?
My sister and I traveled to Minnesota this summer for a women’s conference led by Rachel Hollis and I often think of her words, “If it’s not a hell yes, then it’s a no.” Clearly we don’t always have a say in what decisions we are making each day or how we can allocate our time. So this is not a call to start shirking necessary responsibilities but rather to look at the choices we do have control over, the time we do have and decide how to spend it a little bit more wisely. Can we fore-go one tv show for an hour more sleep allowing us to wake up feeling more rested tomorrow? Do we find the one or two ways that we can be of service to our church or school and go all in instead of signing up for all of the things but only be able to give it half of our attention? Can we look at the boundaries we have with ourselves and re-adjust when necessary? Maybe eat just one or two pieces of leftover Halloween candy after dinner instead of sneaking it throughout the day? (This one is a boundary I need some hand-holding on!) :)